Can you let go?

How do you know you’ll be okay? How do you know you’re not missing out on something great? How do you know you won’t cry yourself to sleep for months?

You don’t.

But you also don’t know how much happier you could be, how much more free you’ll feel, how much more closer you are to experiencing something much greater than they are. Breaking the ties might be the key to everything you don’t know you need.

Which path will you take? Ask yourself this, are you happy now? Yes? Then stay exactly where you are in life. No? Then do something about it. 

For me, I have too much hope inside of my heart. Yes, hope is a good thing & something one should always hold dear. But, at the same time, too much hope will kill you & I truly believe that. Don’t keep investing in something that is always going to hurt you. Don’t expect something to turn good one morning that has always been sour. Yes, it may change, but are you going to take the risk of forever holding on to something that is hurting you just because it may turn out different? Think about it…

Let go & give it time & I promise you that you will find something worth while, something you don’t have to wait to stop hurting you…

Latest Cover Obession

Stop This Train – Tori Kelly & Passion (John Mayer Cover)

First of all, let me just say I’m in love with all three of the people associated with this cover; John, Tori & Passion. John Mayer is one of all-time favorite singers, Tori Kelly is my newly favorite YouTube star & I’ve been listening to Passion on YouTube since… forever ago.

This song is very close to me. Death is what I fear most & this song helps me through that. The analogy makes so much sense which makes it so relatable & it is so beautifully written.

Their voices compliment each other in a way that it sounds as one. Basically, this cover is absolutely perfect & I have nothing else to say about that.

Favorite Song of the Moment

Florence + The Machine – Never Let Me Go

So, basically, if you don’t like Florence I pretty much don’t like your face. Her voice is so captivating; her lyrics so relate-ably beautiful… this song is definitely one my favorites from her in general. I can’t get enough. I have played this about 15 times a day for the past week or so.

Listen to it. Bond with it. Become it. You’ll love it as much as I do.

Overcoming sadness.

I’m sad so often that it’s pathetic & no one around me knows because they’ll just think it’s ridiculous. I suppress all of these feelings inside of me & when I let it out, I really let it out…

I’m not happy with myself or where I am in my life, that’s clear. I’m not sulking. I’m not complaining & not doing anything about it. I’m fucking trying to do better & change the things I don’t like but it’s easier said than done. I make a lot of mistakes, so many that I don’t even know where to begin & which one to start fixing first. I try though. I don’t fucking give up.

I walk around with a smile on my face & no one knows how absolutely fake it is. Only until a couple of years ago did I realize that it was, in fact, a defense mechanism so that I don’t have to feel anything other than happy when I’m around other people. I can’t even imagine letting myself go & actually allowing myself to cry on someone’s shoulder or ask for help. I can only run to a few people who I completely trust. I am, at least, glad that number has risen in the last couple of months. I have more people I can completely collapse in front of & not feel judged.

I hold so much inside of me it’s really not healthy at all. When I cry, I cry hard & I end up feeling everything I’ve been feeling sad about for the past few days or weeks. It comes out all at once & then I don’t know how to deal with it all. When all I really had to do was deal with it when the situation came about.

I feel so weak sometimes because there’s so many things dragging me down, trying to pull me under & I don’t know what to hold on to keep myself up. I’m trying so hard though.

Have you ever tap danced? 
Yes, yes I have.

Did you believe in Santa Claus when you were little? 
Did I? I still do.

Do you like Easter or Saint Patrick’s Day better? 
There’s no reason for me to enjoy Easter. & I’m part Irish so I guess I have to say St Patty’s Day.

Are you craving any food right now? 
Nope.

How far away is the nearest Wal*Mart? 
Right around the corner, next to my job. I can walk, but I’m lazy as tits.

Do you go to the mall every Friday night? 
I used to go shopping every Friday/Saturday because of payday but I’m getting better.

What’s your favorite color Skittle? 
Rojo.

Do you think Farmville is stupid? 
I used to be addicted… not even gonna lie.

Would you rather learn how to play the guitar or how to surf?
Guitar.

When was the last time you went to a party with alcohol? Did you drink?
Uhh.. a little while ago. & yes, but it was a family party so I was under control.

Do you have any interests in psychology? 
I do actually. It’s my major. I don’t know if it’s going to stay my major, though…

Have you ever seen ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’? 
Yes.

What would you do if you bumped into Robert Pattinson?
CEDRIC? IS THAT YOU?

Does your mom ever raid through your room when you’re not home? 
My mom has these frantic cleaning days so I’m gonna say yes, but never to look for anything.. I trained that bitch well. Just kidding, she probably would look through my things.

Do you know the capital of Nevada? 
Nope. & I’m too lazy to look it up.

What color are your nails currently painted? How about your toenails? 
My nails are Black Lingere by Revlon & my toes are Sole Mate by Essie.

Do you have any friendship bracelets? 
Yes. Quite a few. From my sister & my mom. BAHAHAH.

Would you rather have a $50 gift card to Starbucks or a $50 gift card to McDonald’s? 
Starbucks.

Do you think Taco Bell is nasty? 
Blah. The only thing I can get from there are the quesadillas. Believe it or not there is actually someone in this world who doesn’t really dig Mexican food. :O

Do you have a jacuzzi? 
I have a hot tub. There’s actually a difference. Aha!

Have you ever broken a bone?
If I say no am I going to walk out of my house & break something in the next hour? That would be terrible.

When was the last time you went skiing/snowboarding? 
I’ve never been.

Does your family own a cottage? 
Okay …. this survey is freaking me out. My family actually does own a cottage. We tend to call it a cabin but technically, it’s not.

Are you any good at making things? 
Making….?

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed?
Uhhhhhhh…..

What do you currently hear?

Sirens. They’re coming for you. Bad boys, bad boys…

Where were you last night?
At work. Or at home.

Are you afraid to tell your true feelings?
Sometimes.

Can you commit to one person?
Knowing me, a lot of people would probably say yes. But sometimes I don’t think I can.

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
Sort of.

What movie do you want to see?
I’ve been wanting to see Never Let Me Go again.

Is this the best year of your life?
HA! No. I’ll try to make it.

What was the first thing you did when you woke up? 
COFFEEEEE.

Does anyone annoy you?
Sure.

Would you like things to go ‘back to normal’ with a certain someone? 
Nothing is ever normal with any kind of relationships I have/had.

What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Read.

Is life good? 
It’s always good if you make it out to be.

Told your parents you were going somewhere but went somewhere else? 
Not anymore. I’m old enough to do whatever I want & yet I don’t do anything!

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? 
No! <3

What was the last reason you went to the doctor for? 
I believe it was my knee.

Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out?
I like it. & then I freak out. & then I like it again.

Would you ever kiss anyone you texted today? 
Yup.

Do you have any bruises on you? 
YES ACTUALLY. I have no idea where it came from. I swear people think I get abused.

How was 2011 for you?
It was alright.

How late did you stay up last night and why?

Only until about 12. I was tired, but I wanted to read badly.

I hate that my parents think that I don’t WANT to go to college. Of course I fucking do. I try to reassure them & it seems to go in one ear & out of the other. I don’t know what else to do because I’m honestly tired of all the side comments and jokes about me being 20 & still living at home only working & not going to school. I’m tired of them telling me they heard of people my age just graduating or just buying an apartment or something of the sort. It hurts my feelings… it really does. They see me as someone getting absolutely nowhere & I don’t want to be viewed like that. Why don’t they have faith in me?

Clearly, I made mistakes. I know that now & I know what I have to do to undo them. I know a took a huge step backward but there’s nothing else I can do except move forward. I wish they would stop dwelling on what I did & just let it fucking go. I wish they would just understand that I was not ready for college at the time. I wasn’t as mature as I am now. Right now, I know I’m ready. Unfortunately, I have no funds to go to school & I don’t want my parents to pay for it. I don’t want to be in their debt because I know I’ll never be capable of paying it off… figuratively. I’ll forever owe them something. They’ll never let me forget it. That’s just how they are.

I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck. I’m not moving. I’m getting nowhere. It’s so hard to begin when you have nothing to begin with…

Day 3 – Your Favorite Television Program

As of now (not of all time, that would be way too hard) the first one that came to mind.. would be Pretty Little Liars. (probably because I just watched an episode but whatever!)

 

I’m on the second season. I’m watching it online before it comes back on in January! I absolutely adore it. I love the characters, the relationships, the fashion, the scenery, the problems, the suspense… I can say it literally has everything in one show.

That’s all I can say without spoiling anything. I definitely recommend watching it. But I will say you might enjoy it more if you’re a female, a young.. female. Anyone else, I can’t promise you’ll like it, but try anyway!